Jenna’s Box of Personal Effects Arrived the Other Day

I could not wait for the time to open it. Open a box, which was packed in tears and memories of a special person who touched so many in her 14 months on earth. It is important that I carve out just the correct time to go through this ritual. I have opened many boxes before, in creating posthumous sculpture. IT is a ceremonial event, which consists of the same things but with drastically different “feelings”. It is the feelings that I am looking for, the feelings attached to each article by the loved one, the feelings of the person that belonged to these items. The feeling and essence of the individual that I will be desperately trying to coax into the clay sculpture.

I unwrapped the dress and stocking that were carefully wrapped in paper and tucked into a plastic bag marked “Jenna’s dress” and thought about how unusual it was that my 3D model baby is wearing similar dress. Marveled at how very tiny this dress looks in person, much smaller than in the online photographs that I have seen. “Oh look at these stockings!” I declare. With there little pattern, I could almost see her little chubby legs filling out the tights. “Toes or tights”, I wonder. Tights are easier to sculpt than toes, but those toes…

Then I surprise myself as I perform a ritual that I have done with a piece of clothing from Jenna’s box, a ritual that I have done with each box of each subject that has come before Jenna—Patsy, Lucas, Jeanine and others. I raised her tights to my face and breathed in the smell. “ Is this Jenna, her home smell, or laundry detergent,” I wonder?

a pause of contemplation…