Abstinence is a Good Thing
Christina Sizemore is a real life example of how abstinence can work and how it is a good thing. At the age of 14 through the prompting of her church, her youth group, her family, and a commitment through Teen Mania, Christina made a commitment to herself and to God to abstain from sex until marriage. She was able to keep this commitment through junior high, high school, college, and even through a marriage engagement that was called off.
Christina is now married to a wonderful man, who honored that commitment with her. She shares her testimony, “There are guys that have that same commitment, but just because you have that same commitment doesn’t mean it is easy.” She admits that being in a relationship with someone that has that same commitment helps, because it makes it easier in times when you are weak.
“There are times when it is not easy,” and just saying, “I won’t put myself in that position,” doesn’t always work. Christina suggests that having this commitment in your heart, prayer, and other things besides just ‘not putting yourself into the place’ is what she has used to help her through the abstinence years. She assures all, “Waiting is worth it.”
Abstinence can become a commitment even if you have had sex. One of Chris’ friend’s husbands told his wife, “Had I known you were going to be my wife, I would have waited for you.” The gift of sex is a wonderful gift to give your husband or wife. The idea that your future husband or wife is very special, sharing this specialness by waiting can help you when you are trying to abstain.
It is easy to say, “But we are getting married,” and try to justify premarital sex, but Christina explains her situation. “I was engaged to another man, I had a dress, I had a venue, we were going through marriage counseling when I called off the wedding. That happens to real people. I didn’t sleep with him and I am glad I didn’t because he was not my husband. It doesn’t matter if you are engaged or planning on getting married,” Chris states, “You are not married until you are married. My virginity is something that I am giving up to someone who does not deserve it, if they are not my husband.”
Christina’s mom, Bridgette Mongeon encouraged and expected the commitment from Christina. When she would tell others what her daughter was trying to do many, many people thought the idea was ludicrous. One person said that they believed they their son you should “try on the shoe.” “I was livid,” states Bridgette. “My daughter is not a shoe. She is an incredible, precious woman. It bothered me even more that this was a woman who was the mother of a boy my daughter was dating. What values had she instilled in her son?”
Boundaries can’t be pushed. Each time you let down one boundary you get closer to what you don’t want to do. And Chris says there were people she was accountable to, and people who were praying for them as a couple. “I’m not sure they were praying ‘don’t let them have sex,’ but I know people were praying for us.” Bridgette assures her daughter, “Yes, we were praying don’t let them have sex, sometimes when I knew you were alone, I would pray that you would feel uncomfortable, or I would pray one would be strong when the other was weak.” She also let her daughter’s betrothed know what her expectations were of him. “There was no mincing words, they knew what I expected of her, they were sure to know that I understood her commitment and that if the betrothed respected their relationship, and a future relationship, he would respect that commitment as well.”
As a couple there were times when one person would have to be strong when the other was tempted or weak. “That is why it is important to have someone who has made that same commitment,” states Christina. When you have someone who is just waiting because you are waiting, they figure maybe you have changed your mind, and then they don’t help you through your weakness.” Helping with your partners abstinence is a loving and honoring thing to do for one another, it demonstrates character. She does state, “There is an end to the wait. If you wait until after you are married, you can have all of the sex you want. It is worth the wait.”
But people don’t believe that she had not had sex. It is not a common thing and she had to try to convince some people who have asked.
Bridgette states, “We are numb to it, premarital sex is expected and it is accepted.” But she suggests that parents change their minds, gain some courage, and tell their children, “I expect you not to have sex.” Give them something to live up to. Be open about the topic of sex, let them talk about it and encourage open communication, but let them know what you expect of them.
Christina agrees that having parents that are open to talk about sex is imperative. “Don’t let it be an uncomfortable experience. Talk about the biology, your own experiences, and it is important for kids to know it is important to talk about it.” She also assures us that 14 was not too young to discuss such things. Some kids are having sex as young as in the 6th grade.
It is our biological nature to want to reproduce. It is almost unnatural for us to not have sex, and kids need to know that. But Bridgette suggests that dating couples should also discuss their feelings that go with abstinence. A man may feel like he is less of a man, if he does not pursue sex, a women may wake up one morning and feel like she is less desirable. There is a psychological assurance that must go along with abstinence. Communication will help to make it easier.
What if you are having sex in a relationship and decide that is not how you want the relationship to continue? Christina suggests accountability and if your partner is not willing to hear what your heart’s desire is for abstinence, perhaps you should think twice about staying with that person. They might just not be the one for you. The commitment has to be between the two of you with God. An individual commitment as well as one made together. Abstinence is not easy, but it is also not impossible, and it can make a relationship stronger. In Chris’ opinion, “It is so worth it.”
This is an excerpt of the Inspirations/Generations Podcast
“Abstinence A real Life Story A Good Thing” found at http://www.godsword.net/podcastbios.aspx More resources and information can be found on the podcast. Those wishing to insert the podcast link on their website for others to listen to can use this link- http://media.libsyn.com/media/creativeendeavors/INSPIRATIONS_0032_Generations-_Abstinence-_A_Real_Life_Story-_A_Good_Thing.mp3
Copyright 2009
Mongeon is a writer, sculptor, and speaker https://creativesculpture.com
Fooling Around- in Mudbox
A very good exercise in traditional sculpture is to set a timer and sculpt something as quickly as possible. It keeps you form getting bogged down in the details. As I begin to work in mudbox I gave myself that same exercise. Of course I always like working from funny photographs and I love people, so here is one I found to work from. It felt good to put “gram” aside and work on something fast. I may do a couple more of this one and then it is on to a little child or baby funny face. the first one was done in 28 minutes( I had to go to church) the others 30 minutes.
A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words
I thought I would share this with you. As usual maybe you can follow along. This is Mudbox. I am working on my first portrait. Here is mom. Yes, the wonderful woman that is found on our podcast, and is known as “gram”. Anyway, it is a long drawn out process of sculpting in Mudbox but she is coming along.
This is what all my fuss has been about in the last few weeks, needing more RAM, new graphics card. And now to find the one thing that was bugging me may actually be a bug in OS 10.5.7. But, today I can use Mudbox again, and I am thrilled to be able to do so.
Writing A Book Is More Than Just Writing….
I”m so glad that things are being solved. My graphics card should come fed ex today. I waited most of the day and missed it at 9:05 p.m. yesterday. How that happen when we work and live in the same place? What up with that fed ex? For those who don’t know. I’m trying to write a book about Mudbox. However my graphics card does not work with the new version of Mudbox for the mac. Making it extremely difficult to make my deadlines with the publisher.
I think I am resolving my retopologizing problems. For those of you who don’t know what that means it simply is this. When working in mudbox there is a mesh, that is under the clay that you see when you are sculpting. The mesh has to have an appropriate form. If you think of a window screen the mesh that underlies your piece should have quads and not triangles and be all of similar size. So in other words. If I want to scan a mock up lose clay piece. I will Use the Next Engine Scanner, which I am also reviewing and hope to show how to use in a variety of ways. This is a 3d scanner that can scan my artwork and make it into a digital image that I can then either send for output as shown in the latter part of this you tube video that I created or bring into mudbox. However. The mesh that will come out of this is too tight and may have triangles. I will need to change that mesh so that it can be sculpted upon. This is called retopologizing. My problem is that I have not been able to find a retopologizing tool that is a stand alone tool. I hate for artists to have to go and buy and learn an entire 3d program just to be able to retopologize. So I think I have this finally figured out. I’ll let you know. So I have graphics card, and retopologizing tool, more RAM and I’ll soon be ready to go. It is a good thing because many chapters are due to the publisher at the end of June, and until this point I have not been able to work on the program. Oh sure, I can open it and play around, but then it might flip upside down or backwards, when I am turning the sculpture and studying it, or worse yet. It disappears. All results of a graphics card problem. Never have I sculpted in the traditional studio when a sculpture has disappeared. It feels good to get things together to proceed.
Body Parts About The Studio
Yes, it is once again time to have body parts about the studio. What you are looking at are the newsboy waxes. It is hard to believe that in just a few weeks these will be put together to look like the bronze below. The next newsboy sculpture in the edition number 3 is being purchased. More details on that later. meanwhile- pass the word more are available and we can personalize the newspaper to represent a newspaper in history. Maybe your newspaper? We did this for the Tabor City Tribune adding the interesting story behind the Ku Klux Klan.
It is Getting Moldy Around Here -LOL!
Molds, molds everywhere. Every time I create a sculpture, a mold is made for it to go to bronze. Usually I have the rights to pour more than one mold and so, I end up with many heavy cumbersome molds around the studio. Since we had the accident in the roof in the shed, these will sit right here. And we also need to build a loft to store these on. Oh my, not something else on my list of things to do.
Mudbox For The Mac!
I now have Mudbox for the Mac. I’m thrilled and can’t wait to see how it works. It will be great to run this in my native operating system instead of on bootcamp. Yes, bootcamp is nice, but when you have to log off and on to do other things that is a pain. Now, lets get busy on writing this Mudbox book “Digital Sculpting with Mudbox: Essential Tools and Techniques For Artists.”
I am excited about working in mudbox, but the sculptor in me has a few concerns.
I want to be able to have a blob of clay- push and pull it until I “feel” what I want.
Doing this in mudbox can change the topography to something that is unworkable. So. I either need to learn another program and bring in what I want, or… perhaps retopologize what I create. But where does one find the retopologizing tools? That is the part of the learning curve as traditional sculptor goes digital.
Sculpting Tools Are Put Away — Hole In My Roof
We had a somewhat small limb fall from great heights and make a huge hole in our roof. This was a massive bummer. Especially since it was in the back of the building and I don’t get into the shed of the studio to see this sort of thing very often, and so it rained in the shed of the studio.
We did a marvelous job repairing it. Thanks to my dad who used to do roofing and explained in detail the different “tricks.”
Saying Goodbye To The PR Intern – Hannah
Hannah has been interning as public relations intern in the office. We will miss her. She is changing directions in her career and we wish her luck. Her position is open, and I’d appreciate you passing the word. However please also let others who are interested know “must love dogs” for every day at our facility is take your dog to work day!
Hannah wanted to have the dogs in the picture and I thought on the deck would be great, however trying to get two dogs to pose, when one of them is Sam – black lab, is not easy. So we said, how about at the pond? Yes, it is true when you work here you have a beautiful pond to visit and a meditative place to gain your center. That is my sanctuary. You can even say hi to the turtles and fish. Anyway. Sitting on the bridge of the pond Sam went for a drink and then we were slobbered by a combination of dog spit and pond scum. IKKKKK. And that is the way Hannah was sent off.
Thanks again Hannah for your wonderful work. I hope I can soon find someone to fill your shoes.
Mother’s Day- Aint She Sweet?
It was the day before Mother’s Day, 24 years ago when the little sweet child was handed to me. Throughout her life my daughter always had a hard time getting out of the house on time, and that first day was no exception. Fourteen hours of labor, and four hours of pushing, I thought it would never happen. It was my wedding anniversary when I went into labor. I delivered her at 5:00 a.m. on Saturday morning. The next day was Mother’s Day!
I remember that first feeding, it felt so blissful, until…horrors upon horrorsI fell asleep. When I awoke, I remembered I had a baby, I remembered I was feeding her, but there was no baby in my arms. Yes, I actually looked over the side of the hospital bed, each side, and then under the covers. I was terrified, how could I be a fit mother if I would let my child fall on the floor the first day. There was no child. I rang the nurse. “MY BABY IS GONE!” I screamed. The nurse entered frantically, ” It is o.k.” The nurse worked hard to calm me down. “She is in the nursery. When we came in to check on you you were fast asleep, no one could wake you, I think that long and difficult delivery finally caught up with you, and so we brought her back to the nursery.”
I was crying.
I thought the nurse must think I was horrible, How would they ever let me leave the hospital with her? I certainly did not feel much better with her reply. I might not have let her fall on the floor crashing and causing irreparable brain damage, but I did let a total stranger take my child from my sleeping arms. What kind of mother was I? I know the nurse meant well but I was humiliated, and I simply blurted out, “I don’t believe you.” I said, “I want to see my baby.”
The nurse was smiling when she came back into my room, how could you not smile when you are carrying such a beautiful child. She put my bundle back into my arms. I should have apologized to the nurse, but I was still mortified and embarrassed by my own behavior and my apparent neglect.
I examined my Mother’s Day gift again. After the nurse left, I whispered to my baby, “I know you are my baby, they did not switch you.” Why I would think they would switch my baby, I do not know. Perhaps I had seen too many movies. “I know you are, not by the bracelet on your wrist, but because of those horrible marks on your head from the forceps delivery.” I stroked the marks, thankful for their identification, afraid, that adding to my chance of dropping my child, and having a stranger take her away I might also add not being able to recognize her to my list of horrors in those first hours of being a mom. “You sure were stubborn.” She sure was a sight with those red marks. But a beautiful sight. This sweet bundle just looked back at me, assured that I was the perfect mom. She trusted me, and she had this incredible ability to make all of my fears fade. At that moment, the room, the hospital, everything, even my husband, everything out of the small circle of her and I, the entire world simply disappeared. It was the strangest experience that I have ever had, I have never had one like it since. Everything simply disappeared but her and I.
Prior to this delivery I prayed at the church alter. I looked up at Father Lon and said, “Would you please pray for my baby?”
“For a healthy baby and a safe delivery,” He stated.
“Yes, that would be nice, but would you also pray that my baby, and my labrador retriever Conan, will get along? He is really a member of the family and I’m a little worried.”
“Hmmm,” Father Lon said, “I think there is a prayer about the lion laying with the lamb, let me see what we can do.”
We called our new baby and first child Christina. The name was picked by Conan, that same labrador. While reading baby names out loud, Conan’s head tipped to the side with intrigue as we read that baby name from a book. This was probably more due to the fact that the dog’s best canine playmate was named Nina, and this name sounded close to Christina, but the name took.
That first day in the hospital I saved her baby blanket that she had been wrapped in, took another from the supplies under her bassinet and sent the “smelly” one home with her father. “Let Conan smell this,” I said. “They say it might help introduce the baby. Tell him she is coming home soon.”
We were alone again. My favorite radio station played big band. I phoned them, ecstatic that it was going to be Mother’s Day, and it was my first day with my baby. “I’d like to request a song please.”
They asked, “What would you like?” I hadn’t thought of what song I wanted, I just said, “Anything that you want, as long as it is dedicated to this sweet thing in my arms.”
Not long after I heard the announcer. “Here is something for a special little baby that came into the world just in time to make her mommy a mother on Mother’s Day.” I listened intently to what they had chosen for my child.
“Aint she sweet, see her coming down the street. Now I ask you very confidentially aint she sweet.” It was the old song “aint she sweet?” by Gene Austin 1927. My toes wiggled under the sheets. I looked at her beautiful eyes, lips and nose, as I sang her song along with the radio, one of the many songs I would sing to her throughout her childhood. “Just cast an eye in her direction, Oh me oh my, aint that perfection? I repeat, don’t you think that is kinda neat, I ask you confidentially aint she sweet?”
I’m happy to report the lion did lay down with the lamb or should I say that the cherished family pet soon learned that his nose was an equal height to the high chair, and this new smelly, squiggly family member loved to throw food over the side of her high chair and giggle when Conan would quickly retrieve it and then, as if on command, he would put his nose back up, barely resting on her tray and look at her longingly. It caused an instant rapport. Yes, there was a period of time when Conan had a regular diet of Cheerios and baby food.
My baby was married this year, and I’m sure her husband agrees with the song that was played on her “birth” day. I can’t help but think it won’t be long before she is having a baby of her own, and Mother’s Day will become something that she no longer celebrates for someone else but is celebrated for her. Until then, I still find her incredibly sweet, and confidentially, she is still my baby girl and perfection.
Copyright 2009
Mongeon is a writer, sculptor, and speaker https://creativesculpture.com