Jenna

Jenna and I continue to spend quality time together. The photographs provided by her mom have been put in sleeves to protect them from the bits of clay that go on, and come off of the sculpture. Add, take away, add take away. It is a constant process. The photographs are everywhere. I am often searching for the perfect photograph to show me just what proportion I want.

Jenna’s dress hangs from a hanger on the other side of the room. A constant reference.

Some changes. I moved her left arm back a bit and shortened the dress in the middle. I think with it short it ads to her smallness. She will be wearing tights, maybe I can show a diaper underneath. Still in the design stages. I’m working from the top down, still have to work on the back of her head and indicate some hair, what little she had. onto the right sleeve and arm and then the dress.

Working on Jeanna’s face this morning I watched her morph from photograph to photograph, two teeth and then more. I thought about her teething and wondered how many teeth should show. Later I’ll take a close up of Jenna to show the mom. In the end, and for now her mouth is open and shows most of her teeth on top. It is funny that many sculptors hate to sculpt open mouths. I am not sure why and some will say they don’t look natural. They are hard to cast, but not impossible. I could see Jenna no other way. It seemed like she had to have that smile.

It will be a few days before I am ready to call or e mail Jenna’s mom and say, “approve this.” It is still a process. I state that just in case Jenna’s mom is reading this blog and watching the process, and if she is I must say, Can’t you hear the giggles, we are having a great time together.

oh yes,

hubby came into the studio a bit ago. I said, “I’ll be right back,” I had to run to the house for something. He replied, “no problem, I’ll keep an eye on the baby.”

I Need to order some foam pieces that I can carve to show her headstone. So that we can get a feel as to how that will work with her, but first, back to playing with Jenna.

Let it be known that on May 19, 2008 at around 2:45 pm I found Jenna!

There is a point that I try to reach with each of my sculptures. No matter what the subject, if it is from life or a sculpture created in memory of someone. The point I am speaking of is their appearance. The moment that I have coaxed them from the clay.

I have her. The ahhha. My husband has come into the studio at least 3 times in the last 24 hours and said , “it is looking like her.” But there is a moment for me, the moment was with her chin, I added a little clay and then I looked at her and she looked right back at me. TAAA DAAA! The moment never ceases to amaze me.

This element is very important to me, even if there are changes that occur after this moment it does not matter. It is a settling within myself the connection between subject and artist has been formed.

Another thing. When sculpting you can get so involved with the details, lets use for example an eye. But unless you can do both, be involved with the details and often pull yourself back and see the entire picture then you may work a long time on something only to find that it really never went with the entire picture. I have been thinking a lot about that. Somehow there is a metaphor for life there. The small stuff, the details are important, but work on them as you keep looking at the entire picture. Don’t lose site of the entire picture. The details make more sense that way.

I’ll try to post some pictures soon.

This presentation always happens with the face. I have worked diligently for the last 24 hours with Jenna’s head in my lap, turning her every direction. Here is another metaphor for life. If you are not sure how things should be, turn them upside down and take a look, you often will see things that don’t fit or are out of place.
All it is takes looking at things from another direction.

I have reattached Jenna and can’t wait to begin pulling her all together. Got to go, its very exciting.

Welcome to the studio Jenna!

It came to my attention that Jenna will be created in 90 days. Not that I counted on a calendar but that along with starting the Jenna sculpture and needing to have them both by the trip to Vermont on August 24th. I am also doing a new sunday school class with my sunday school. For those of you who don’t know I am a teacher, or what I call facilitator of a senior citizen Sunday school Class at my church. I say Facilitator, because most those people have a tremendous amount of wisdom and I don’t feel I can easily say, “I am your teacher.”

anyway, we are going to read the bible, yes the entire bible in 90 days! Cover to cover. It was suggested by our pastor and is really a program that was developed and that we are using. I have read the entire bible, but never cover to cover like this. So As I travel to Vermont with the Jenna, and Dick Hathaway sculptures I will have this other accomplishment as well.

Jenna,
Dick Hathaway
and the bible in 90 days!

The Jenna sculpture and I played all day, or should I say most of the day. I picked up the Jenna foam armature from the supplier. I will go into this process in more detail at a later date, as I have written about it recently in a national magazine and cannot write about it for a few months. ONWARD

The foam had to be modified look more like Jenna and that meant new tools! The foam makes a mess, but I kept my air tank on to blow myself off, and the vacuum nearby. I cover the foam with hot wax to seal it and keep the grit from getting into the foam. Then it is covered with hot clay that is melted in crockpots. I worked until about 10:00pm trying to get the basic shape of Jenna and added a fake butterfly just to get the “feel” of her. Before I ended I started on her face, that is the element that “captures” her. Jenna’s mom sent wonderful material to work from. This is so important when doing posthumous sculpture and it is vital when you are doing children. They change so quickly that often parents send reference material that is from several different ages and makes my job very hard. Not so with Jeanna. I have video, photographs and much more. I am sorry I have not posted the photograph of her face. I’ll post more later in the day. Once again I am aiming for an approval on this sculpture by next week. I need to do that in order to bring her to the northeast with the Dick Hathaway sculpture.

For the next two weeks I will be working on the new sculpture of Jenna, please see previous posts. Tomorrow we will be picking up her armature in Austin. Then this weekend begins the process. Though I welcome the apprentices help. I think I will ask everyone not to come to the studio in the next few days, so that Jenna and I can have some quality time. I expect by this time next week she will be close to being finished. Yes, this is a quick turn around for a life-size sculpture.

The photographs are xeroxed and enlarged
I have Jenna music sent by her parents
I have her beautiful dress and some of her toys.

Jenna’s grave site service was last weekend. It is appropriate that we should begin to bring that angel to life through this work of art. A creative endeavor made possible through the love and assistance of her family. The play date is set!

The box of persona effects is set out on a black piece of velvet. My chair is pulled up to the table as I ponder the photographs. The chair is my own daughter Fisher Price wooden high chair, something that she used as a child and I continue to use in my studio. It is my gauge for weight gain and width of my own hips. “I wonder what Jenna’s high chair was like?” I wonder a lot about Jenna. The moment I sit down at the table and pick up the items, the emotions begin.

I put in the CD sent by Jenna’s mom, songs that she played to, and songs that will be played at her service. ” An now the time is near…” My Way is playing on the CD and as I look at the pictures of the family their happiness. Then the gateway is open between the connections I have with Jenna’s mom and the tears and sadness begin to flow. My heart aches to hold a child I have never known.

I have gone through this process long enough to know this is a very strange occurrence, picking up the feelings of my client that are opened up because of our emotional bonds (see former posts).

It has taken me years to learn how to control the emotions, during the process of sculpting posthumous sculpture, as they feel they are mine, they could quickly overwhelm me. “Not mine.” I hear myself whispering deep inside, but just enough.

I feel as if I am testing the waters, allowing myself to touch and be touched, but only enough. Learning to say ” not mine” has given me sanity in this process. First I must recognize the feelings as not my own. Some people term this “Psychic empathy”. I don’t know what to call it, I just know it is there, and I now know how to work through it. I have written a lot about this in the book. I really do need to find a publisher for that book.

29.9 inches long. This is a measurement that has been given to me by Jenna’s mom. How tall is she while she is sitting? I look for pictures of her standing up, or being held standing up and then for her sitting down. My husband, also an artist comes down as I show him my sewing tape with 29.9″ marked off. We examine the dress, my brain switches gears and I am in another part, no emotion, just proportion, compare, compare, compare. We have decided 19 inches while seated. With this number the foam armature and structure can be built. I expect to be sculpting Jenna by Monday or Tuesday. The armature will be here and the Richard Hathaway waxes will be at the foundry. I can’t wait to play with Jenna.

While looking through Jenna’s box of personal effects the foster dog ( we foster animals from time to time, Sam short of Samantha is a big black lab puppy). Anyway… Sam came in wanting to smell Jenna’s clothes. I am so enthralled in the box, I hardly notice her at first. Then picking up a small moo can, an item from Jenna’s box, I turn it over and hear the sound of a small cow. Sam cocks her head. If Jenna were here she would be laughing so hard at Sam’s face. Again. I hear myself saying, as Sam turns her head again. We repeat this over and over and I feel I can hear Jenna giggling.

Soon I order Sam out of the studio. The game was fun, but I need to have time alone with these items. I am very possessive and don’t want anyone to touch the items until I have had my time with them, not even a very interested dog nose. I know that sounds strange. I’m not sure why I do this. I remember being short with a fellow student who tried to reach into the box of Dick Hathaway’s personal effects. It is very strange indeed.

I could not wait for the time to open it. Open a box, which was packed in tears and memories of a special person who touched so many in her 14 months on earth. It is important that I carve out just the correct time to go through this ritual. I have opened many boxes before, in creating posthumous sculpture. IT is a ceremonial event, which consists of the same things but with drastically different “feelings”. It is the feelings that I am looking for, the feelings attached to each article by the loved one, the feelings of the person that belonged to these items. The feeling and essence of the individual that I will be desperately trying to coax into the clay sculpture.

I unwrapped the dress and stocking that were carefully wrapped in paper and tucked into a plastic bag marked “Jenna’s dress” and thought about how unusual it was that my 3D model baby is wearing similar dress. Marveled at how very tiny this dress looks in person, much smaller than in the online photographs that I have seen. “Oh look at these stockings!” I declare. With there little pattern, I could almost see her little chubby legs filling out the tights. “Toes or tights”, I wonder. Tights are easier to sculpt than toes, but those toes…

Then I surprise myself as I perform a ritual that I have done with a piece of clothing from Jenna’s box, a ritual that I have done with each box of each subject that has come before Jenna—Patsy, Lucas, Jeanine and others. I raised her tights to my face and breathed in the smell. “ Is this Jenna, her home smell, or laundry detergent,” I wonder?

a pause of contemplation…